30 and 3....

Today I am 30 weeks and 3 days pregnant with our baby boy! The last time I was 30 weeks and 3 days pregnant I ended up delivering in an unplanned emergency c-section. 3 days later instead of consulting with doctors on what would be the best plan for our little man we ended up holding Timothy Anderson for the last moments while he was transitioning from earth to Abraham's bosom.

5 days later instead of visiting an incubator we were laying our little man to rest and I held him one last time. It was so hard to not curl up next to him and just give myself into the grief that wanted to consume me. I know it is a crazy thought, but grief is crazy like that.

Over the next 2 weeks we agonized over what his marker would say, the funeral home was so patient with us...but how do you summarize your son and show your faith in God in less than 20 words?



It finally read "We wanted to hold you longer, But you are where we are striving to be, We will live faithfully to meet you in eternity."

Our sweet Timothy, I wish you could have been here with us today to celebrate Easter and to do an egg toss and to devour candy and to hunt eggs. How I wish you were here to let me love on you and to dress you up in Easter clothes and put silly bunny ears on your head!

Alas, that was not to be, and while I will forever wish things were different for our little one I can't deny the truths and the changes that his brief life introduced to me.

Number one - we can not take this life for granted. We are not promised tomorrow - as cliche as that sounds it is so very true. I have no idea what tomorrow holds...it may be a quiet and fun day full of chores and cuddles or it might hold a tragedy or maybe some epiphany...who knows! What we do know is that we have this moment.

Number two - I have said this many times before and I will continue to say it...it is not "if" bad times come it is "when" they come. Keep your faith strong....read your bible everyday...learn the difference between prayer and supplication...keep strong so when you are tested you can know the only way through is to lean on God.

Number three - even if you recognize number 1 and number 2 you will still learn something through each new trial of life. We don't know it all, we won't know it all, and we can't expect to get through life on our own noodle. Look up Is. 55:8.

So as much as I miss what could have been, I have to be thankful for what Timothy gave me in his brief life and how those tiny feet will forever have changed my heart. He prepared me for a new chapter...more on that later!

Here and There....

Wow, it is a little strange for us to be acclimating to a climate so different than the one we had become accustomed.

We live in a very small little community and I think that we are related to most of the population! That is such a stark contrast to what San Diego was like. It is quiet and SLOW, but oh so relaxing....too relaxing I have a hard time leaving our little area to go to town!


TO GO TO TOWN, wow, that is so different for us too! We go to town to visit the library and spend some time on the internet! How different that is for us! I was accustomed to spending my waking up time in front of the screen, now I spend it listening to the cows and hearing the dogs bark at each other! That is different. (I'm sure most of our neighbors are not exactly sure what a world wide web is and they are just fine not knowing!)

On our way to church now we play a game called, "How many cars will we pass before we reach our congregation" We get many random guesses but very few will be brave and guess over 10, even though we must drive 30 miles! Yikes, we end up passing more livestock than cars. That is different too.

However, with all the difference it is a good place for us right now. It has been such an answer to prayer as I have fervently been praying that we would be able to heal physically and emotionally after our recent turmoil. It feels like my soul is a little braver here to come out of hiding and examine just how truly damaged it was.

It really makes me think of the 23rd Psalm.


A Psalm of David. The LORD [is] my shepherd; I shall not want.
He makes me to lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside the still waters.
He restores my soul; He leads me in the paths of righteousness For His name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; For You [are] with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
Psalm 23:1-6


Have a wonderful Valentine's Day! See you during my next "trip to town!"