Healing...

I have tried and tried tirelessly to find a way to express how I feel over the loss of my sweet baby. What I have found is there really are no words to convey the emotions I had towards the anticipated arrival of our second son. He was not always lifeless. Through the wonders of ultrasound I saw my sweet baby suck his thumb and practice swallowing, it was at those moments that I would get impatient about how long 9 months go by when you are waiting to hold one of the great loves of your life. God has graciously blessed our family with 5 wonderful children; 5 children that brought a smile to our face and a tear of joy to our eyes when we learned of each of their existences. My hopes and dreams for our 5th child did not materialize in the ways that I had imagined. I never was able to swaddle him and sing him a lullaby. I was never privileged to hear one of his cries and I never was able to teach him the most valuable of lessons. I will always miss those hopes; however, Ecc 7:3 says Sorrow is better than laughter, For by a sad countenance the heart is made better. I’m still searching as to how this will make my heart better, but I know that what I will learn from my dear Timothy will be honoring to God and those in my life. He was our 5th child and he was as loved and as longed for as our first. He will be greatly missed.