July 20, 2011

A Pregnancy in Review....

As I said before, before we could have our 2nd ultrasound to try and figure out just exactly what was going on we had to meet with genetics. Our appointment with genetics was at 3:30 pm to be followed up with an ultrasound at 4:30 pm. Our first appointment was about an hour and we were in and out in the right time frame; however, our 2nd ultrasound would not even begin until 6 PM because there was a very frightened couple in the room before us. I didn't talk with them I could just tell from the occassional sob I heard and the overall demeanor that the couple left with. I was so sad for them. I knew their heartache. Our doctor came out and appologized for taking so long, he said, "we had a lot of difficult things to talk about in there but I know you understand since we have some difficult things to discuss too!" We went through the ultrasound and our doctor still wasn't convinced that our little guy would be OK. He said, "If I didn't know your history then I would say Arthrogryposis."

So that was our first official diagnosis. I was overwhelmed but trying my best to keep it in check. We walked out of the doctors office a little dazed. It had been a long day and long appointments. We needed to go to the grocery store before we headed home and it felt so odd to be doing such an everyday thing when our life had just been altered from where we thought we were headed. I remember having a small freak out moment in the store in front of the meat counter but my husband quickly reminded me that God was in control and it would be OK.

That night after we got home I started researching everything I could about AMC. I read lots and lots of blogs that listed lots and lots of therapys and surgurys and doctors appointments. Everyone used tons of initials that I didn't understand. There was new language and therapys that I hadn't ever heard of - which isn't surprising since I hadn't heard of AMC before the last week either. By the time I got off the computer it was about 2:00 AM and I had my first official meltdown I cried and sobbed and cried some more. I woke my husband up with my tears and he was alarmed but all I could eek out was, "HOW???" We have been married long enough that he knew what I meant.

I meant how am I going to be strong enough to take care of this little baby, how am I going to be able to do everything that I need to do and still have enough time to love, educate, and parent my 4 other children, how am I ever going to be able to learn everything that I need to learn in order to care for him????

My sweet and very loving husband basically let me cry but he reminded me again that God was in control and that I didn't have to carry the burden alone. That helped and eventually my tears subsided and I went to sleep.

The next morning I woke up and decided that I was going to be happy, because if all the time that I was granted with my little guy was while he was in the womb then I wanted that time to be happy. It took some self control and it took a lot of prayer but God's grace bestowed peace to us and we were able to be happy.

to be continued....

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