1. Try not to answer your husbands urgent question without spitting out your mouthwash first. It will just make him laugh till he crys and then it will just make you mad that you can't stop laughing at yourself with a mouth full of mouthwash.
2. Try and not flush the potty before 2 year old who is soooo proud of herself and will wail, YOU PROMISED TO LET ME!!! Then you feel like a bad mom and spend an extra $3.00 on the water bill letting her flush it multiple times.
3. Try and not leave the front door open so that fresh air can come in the screen because you never know when the mailman may be delivering a package for you and 5 yo DD is streaking through the house because she just remembered her new undies that she would rather be wearing.
4. Try and not say "uh huh" to the repeatedly mouthed question of 7 yo DS while on the phone paying a bill because when you get off and hear the vacuum running in the backyard and you find your son trying to see if the vacuum will exert enough pressure to take off the lizards tail. Then when you say, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING", he looks innocently and says, "You said I could!"
5. Try not to explain obese right before a shopping trip, your child may just try to find examples to point out to you.
So those are my contributions to the betterment of the human race. Don't ask where I pick these things up, they just come to me!