On September 30, I awoke and prepared for our day like I had always done. I talked to my sweet baby boy in my belly as I as I carefully made sure I had everything ready to go for all our outings that needed to be done that day. As with each baby that we are expecting, the air in the home was already starting to fill with excitement for the upcoming arrival. We were starting to talk about it more and more. The kids were dreaming of what their life was going to be like with the addition of FINALLY another boy. My son, my dear sweet son was so very anxious to have a brother. A brother of his very own.
We went about our errands for the day and came home. Some where during our time out I started to feel physically very bad. I called my husband and told him and I changed our afternoon to a quiet one at home. I rested and the kids were doing various quiet activities around the house. My sister in law and I had plans to go out for dinner that evening and so I prepared to go out with her and made sure that hubby and the children were cared for while I was gone. When I returned that evening I still felt bad and I realized that sweet baby boy had not been kicking around much.
Hubby and I talked and I shared my concerns. Over the next hour my concerns became his and he decided that we needed to go to the hospital to be on the safe side. So once the children were cared for we headed to the hospital. I felt like we were being precautious but everything was fine with baby boy, but better to be safe.
We got to the hospital and immediately found dear baby boy's heart beat. It was strong and steady. My fears were at bay. His heart beat brought me comfort and hubby and I chatted that we were sure we could leave and return home soon. Hubby called my sister in law and said the baby's heartbeat was great but the doctors wanted to look at a few more things then we should be home.
However, that is not how things went. The baby's heartbeat never varied from 173. That never crossed my mind as a bad thing, but it meant that the baby wasn't having any periods of activity to raise his heart level. The doctor came in with the ultrasound and dear sweet baby boy was not moving at all. No amount of sugar water or external stimulation could coerce our sweet baby to move at all. After 15 minutes the doctor decided that it was time for a c-section. She told us she would give us a few minutes to discuss it. She left, I was sobbing, hubby was trying to absorb all of the information to make an educated decision and try and talk to me about it. We were given about thirty seconds alone when everyone swooped back in with forms and gowns and instructions. It didn't take long for our little triage area to fill with medical personnel. Some were smiling at me with comfort and others were all business. I just kept trying to seek out my husbands face among the crowd. I just followed his face.
We were taken up the elevators to the surgical room. I had never had a c-section before so I was unprepared for what lay ahead. I had never wanted to have a c-section so I was saddened by this state of affairs. They wheeled me into the surgical area and started to prepare me for this surgery. I kept thinking about the baby and how these were the last moments that I had with just him and I. I knew where he was and that he was warm, I didn't know if he was safe inside me so this was the best option. It was somewhere in these moments that I became very still, the sobs subsided and I was very obedient to the doctors every request around me. I became a bystander in my own life.
I was missing my husband at this point and I told the nurse that I wanted my husband. I could tell she forgot that I had one of those and ran to retrieve him. I was so glad when he was back and looking at me and comforting me with his eyes in a way that only he can. I felt stronger and safer with him there. I asked what was going on and he said that they were working on getting the baby. His choice of wording and gestures made me realize he was trying to protect me from our current world.
It wasn't long before I heard a nurse say male born at 1:08 AM, October 1st. I never heard a cry, they told hubby to go with the baby and then I can't remember anymore of his birth. Hubby later told me that as soon as the baby was born they pushed a syringe into my IV and I was out.
We went about our errands for the day and came home. Some where during our time out I started to feel physically very bad. I called my husband and told him and I changed our afternoon to a quiet one at home. I rested and the kids were doing various quiet activities around the house. My sister in law and I had plans to go out for dinner that evening and so I prepared to go out with her and made sure that hubby and the children were cared for while I was gone. When I returned that evening I still felt bad and I realized that sweet baby boy had not been kicking around much.
Hubby and I talked and I shared my concerns. Over the next hour my concerns became his and he decided that we needed to go to the hospital to be on the safe side. So once the children were cared for we headed to the hospital. I felt like we were being precautious but everything was fine with baby boy, but better to be safe.
We got to the hospital and immediately found dear baby boy's heart beat. It was strong and steady. My fears were at bay. His heart beat brought me comfort and hubby and I chatted that we were sure we could leave and return home soon. Hubby called my sister in law and said the baby's heartbeat was great but the doctors wanted to look at a few more things then we should be home.
However, that is not how things went. The baby's heartbeat never varied from 173. That never crossed my mind as a bad thing, but it meant that the baby wasn't having any periods of activity to raise his heart level. The doctor came in with the ultrasound and dear sweet baby boy was not moving at all. No amount of sugar water or external stimulation could coerce our sweet baby to move at all. After 15 minutes the doctor decided that it was time for a c-section. She told us she would give us a few minutes to discuss it. She left, I was sobbing, hubby was trying to absorb all of the information to make an educated decision and try and talk to me about it. We were given about thirty seconds alone when everyone swooped back in with forms and gowns and instructions. It didn't take long for our little triage area to fill with medical personnel. Some were smiling at me with comfort and others were all business. I just kept trying to seek out my husbands face among the crowd. I just followed his face.
We were taken up the elevators to the surgical room. I had never had a c-section before so I was unprepared for what lay ahead. I had never wanted to have a c-section so I was saddened by this state of affairs. They wheeled me into the surgical area and started to prepare me for this surgery. I kept thinking about the baby and how these were the last moments that I had with just him and I. I knew where he was and that he was warm, I didn't know if he was safe inside me so this was the best option. It was somewhere in these moments that I became very still, the sobs subsided and I was very obedient to the doctors every request around me. I became a bystander in my own life.
I was missing my husband at this point and I told the nurse that I wanted my husband. I could tell she forgot that I had one of those and ran to retrieve him. I was so glad when he was back and looking at me and comforting me with his eyes in a way that only he can. I felt stronger and safer with him there. I asked what was going on and he said that they were working on getting the baby. His choice of wording and gestures made me realize he was trying to protect me from our current world.
It wasn't long before I heard a nurse say male born at 1:08 AM, October 1st. I never heard a cry, they told hubby to go with the baby and then I can't remember anymore of his birth. Hubby later told me that as soon as the baby was born they pushed a syringe into my IV and I was out.
3 comments:
Thank you so much for opening your heart and sharing the details of sweet baby boy's birth. Some of this I knew but a lot I didn't know. You are very brave!
Liz, thanks for opening up and sharing this with us. I hope you are able to continue to do so. We are all here for you and you are in our prayers!
Thank you for sharing more of your story, Elizabeth. (((hugs)))
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